Are you being abused?

The signs

The things I want to know from you, are the following. Are you happy? Are you a woman who is controlled? Do you ever think, maybe this is not all there is to my life?

If this is you, you’re not alone. Domestic Violence, (DV) also known as Family Violence is something many women suffer. And it’s a terrible way to live. Someone close to you; your husband, your carer, or even a family member may be hurting you. DV is also not always physical. You could be suffering from emotional or verbal abuse, and believe it or not, even financial abuse. You and your children may be trapped and have no idea how to get out. This is unacceptable and you need to leave.

Don’t panic. It’s not as scary as it sounds. And life is so great on the other side.

What is it?

Emotional Abuse (verbal) is a technique used by a partner to control and dominate. He will tell you you’re worthless, nobody else could ever want you; you’re fat, ugly, stupid. Often teamed with the physical threat, this can prove crippling to women who after a time begin to believe.

You may over time become isolated socially as his hold over you becomes stronger, until you find yourself putting off friends, family and acquaintances to keep him happy. Social Abuse may be hard for you to talk about and you keep what is going at home to yourself, lying to those around you.

You may find you are controlled in less obvious ways, such as; you’ve become financially dependent upon your husband. Financial Abuse is when your partner has control over the money, possibly only dealing out exactly what you need week-to-week in order to feed the family and fill the car with petrol.

Physical Abuse is when he hurts you. Punching, kicking, strangling, pinching, slapping and pushing you around. It’s all the same. Not good enough. I know you’re scared. But it’s time to find you.

What you can do

It can be overwhelming, leaving. The first step is to talk to someone. Talking leads to action, eventually. This can be a terrifying prospect to you right now, I get it. But you have to start. From there, you could be on your way to a real life. One that doesn’t involve pain and heartache and trauma for you and your kids.

If you need to be careful, when looking at websites, like my own, and the ones containing help lines, then please take the care you need to. Go out of the house, when he’s at work. Go to an internet cafe. Look it up there. But do it. Take the first step, and confide in someone. Even if it’s me. And dare to dream that there could be something else out there for you. Someone better.

I’m not about to tell you that it’s going to be easy. It’s not. But it’s a finite period. Whatever you go through afterwards will pass. You must keep yourself safe in that time. If you need a shelter. Use it! These provisions are there for your own safety and wherever you are is better than being with him. Use the police, use the courts and get your self trained in self-defence.

You have a right to be safe. You have a right to be happy. You have a right to your own interests. I know it takes energy to start a new life. But I also know how much energy it’s taking for you to live the one you’ve got right now.

Please stay safe. I repeat; learn how to fight.

  Where to get help.